The America I give thanks for as I depart

Across America in a few hours' time, turkeys will be going into ovens, millions will be hurrying from regional airports to get to see loved ones, roads will likely be jammed.

And people will be preparing to gorge themselves on that egregious crime against cooking, sweet potato casserole and marshmallow. I mean sweet potato casserole - yum. Marshmallow - why not. But blended together in one dish? Ewww.

That said, Thanksgiving is the loveliest of occasions. It is the midpoint between the ghastly excess of Halloween and the naked commercialism of some aspects of Christmas. And it is not about feverishly unwrapping presents. It is about families and friends coming together and giving thanks.

My most vivid - and painful - Thanksgiving was in 2017.

We were across the road at our friend Jeff's in Georgetown. A few months earlier his wife, who was 39, had died of a very aggressive cancer. But round the table we went, taking it in turns to say what we gave thanks for - including his kids - Eleanor who was then 10, and Charlie who was eight. They spoke of the support of friends and family and how this had been of comfort to them in this unspeakably horrid year.

Thanksgiving meal

IMAGE SOURCE,GETTY IMAGES

Strangely perhaps, it was an occasion that underlined to me what is great about America - the positivity, the optimism, the hope - and yes, resilience too.

This will be my eighth and final Thanksgiving before I move back to the UK, and the thing that has struck me about living here is the courtesy, respect and old-fashioned politeness.

When I tell Americans there are those in Britain who could learn from this, they seem startled. Surely, they ask, Britain - with its royal family - is the epitome of etiquette and courtliness. I ask if they've ever tried to get on the Victoria Line at Oxford Circus in the rush hour.

But there will be a lot of families who won't be gathering this year.

A friend from Ohio - the kindest, most gentle soul - says his family won't be getting together because of toxic divisions that have come to the fore in the past few years. He works in the media and is sick of having his family telling him he works for fake news. It has been a growing and depressing phenomenon in America, where the list of no-go topics for the dinner table is now so extensive, better to call the whole thing off.

There have always been divisions in the US, some of them going back to America's original sin, slavery. And recent court cases have underlined the profound feeling of grievance that the legal system doesn't work equally for black and white defendants.